Characters: JOSH, RACHEL, MATT, AMY, WAITER, SOME DANCERS.
Setting: A restaurant.
Two tables, four people seated. Josh and Rachel sitting at one table, and Matt and Amy sitting at the other. Matt and Amy in soft freeze having a great time. Lights up on Josh and Rachel, lights dim on Matt and Amy.
JOSH: I’m just gonna go to the bathroom.
RACHEL: You’ve gone like 3 times tonight. Are you feeling okay?
JOSH: I’m fine, babe. I’ll be back in a sec.
Josh gets up to “go to bathroom.” Waiter on stage left.
JOSH: So everything’s all set?
WAITER: Mmhmm. I’ve told you yes twice already. Our restaurant does proposals all the time. The ring will be in the molten lava cake, as requested.
JOSH: You’re a lifesaver. We haven’t talked about it so fingers crossed she says yes.
Josh goes back to table.
RACHEL: (Looking at dessert menu) What took you so long? I’m thinking…I always get the lava cake. Why not switch it up and go with the apple strudel?
JOSH: (Abrupt) You can’t do that!
RACHEL: Calm down!
JOSH: Why change it up, I mean.
RACHEL: It’s just dessert.
JOSH: No, it’s not.
RACHEL: What?
JOSH: Nothing. All I’m saying, you know I like to get creme brulee and have a bite of your dessert. I hate apple strudel. (Waiter comes over to take order.) And you know like, it’s not even apple season. What if the apples are mushy? What if it’s too sweet? You know? And I just love watching you eat chocolate, or like not in a weird way, but I love watching you enjoy the chocolate, and then you know, it’s just like old times.
WAITER: Have you made your decision?
RACHEL: I’ll get the cake, he’ll get the creme brulee.
WAITER: Are you sure? The strudel’s delicious.
JOSH shakes head at waiter.
WAITER (realizing): but…we’ve run out of it tonight.
Waiter exits.
Lights come up on Matt and Amy, and they’re having a GREAT date.
MATT: Oh my god, I find water hydrating, too.
AMY: How have we never talked about this. I also love the texture.
MATT: It’s so watery.
AMY (staring into each other’s eyes and reach and start holding hands on the table): Yea!
Waiter comes in with dessert for Josh and Rachel.
WAITER: The creme brulee for the good gentleman. The molten cake for his wonderful wif–….msical lady.
Josh is losing his shit. Rachel is about to take a bite of the cake.
RACHEL: Oh, why aren’t you starting too? I won’t start til you do.
JOSH: Okay. (They both take a bite of their desserts.) Wow, this is great.
RACHEL: Ew something’s off on this. Bitter, or something. I think I need to send this back.
JOSH (forcefully): Eat your cake!
RACHEL: Babe, what the heck?!
JOSH: Sorry, sorry. But seriously, eat your cake.
RACHEL: I’ll just get another, we won’t have to pay for two. It’s their fault.
She signals Waiter. At this moment, tubas start playing, a bunch of flash dancers come out.
MATT (To Amy): I think it’s time for us the next step.
Techno music plays, Matt starts doing a choreographed dance routine with the dancers, they lift him up, Sam Clark does a split, Matt gets down on one knee.
RACHEL (during this presentation): Oh my god, oh my god, he’s proposing! This is so sweet!
JOSH: Crap.
Amy is freaking out in a really happy way.
MATT (Singing): Let’s get serious. Time to get serious. (Gets on one knee) Will you marry me?
AMY: Oh my gosh, before I respond. LADIES!
A bunch of ladies come out with a sign that says yes. They do a choreographed dance routine. Amy and Matt run off happily.
RACHEL: Jeez, that was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. If I ever get proposed to (pauses, looks suggestively at Josh), I want it to be like that. None of that cliche “find your ring in the dessert” stuff. (To waiter) This lava cake was bitter, it’s like there isn’t enough sugar or something.
WAITER (looking at Josh): I’m so sorry about that, I’ll speak with chef and we can get another in a few min–
RACHEL: You know, don’t worry about getting me another. I’m stuffed. If we could just get the check.
WAITER: (looks at Josh for a second)
JOSH: (pauses, then) Yes, the check would be great.